"Patrick is one of the most creative, witty, and talented writers I've ever had the pleasure to birth."
- My mom, reading out loud this sentence I wrote
Examples of My Writing
Financial Personality
Payoff focuses on the cross-section of personality science and financial habits to give people more focused attention. Here are many of the projects I've written.
Privacy Policy Email
Payoff's attempt to make privacy policies easy to understand and fun. Did we succeed? I wrote it, so yes. But decide for yourself.
LIFT
LIFT was a 6-part series that helped people who were turned down for a Payoff® Loan get the information they need to improve their finances.
Payoff Personalities
A breezy interview series asking silly questions to fellow Payoff employees to help give a personal face to Payoff.
The [Article Name Redacted at The Behest of The NFL]
A fun article about what you can do to make money while watching The Big Game for people who like football as much as they like being broke.
Joy
I’ve written most everything for this mobile finance app. You can read it here or download Joy and read it there. Or preferably, do both!
A Pack of Dogs Stole My Lunch Money! And My Heart
I stopped buying lunch for a week and gave the money I would have spent to my local pet rescue. Highlight: There’s a picture of my dog in this article. She’s the cutest.
How Losing an Income Made My Relationship Stronger
My girlfriend took a job where she wouldn’t be getting paid for a few months. This is that story. Highlight: The word “girlfriend” is in this article 6 times. The word “girlfriend” is in the Avril Lavigne song Girlfriend 16 times. I did more with less… Avril!
14 Gifts That Are Better (And Cheaper) Than Flowers
The definitive list of gifts that will make giving flowers look like giving a bouquet of tree garbage, which they most certainly are. Highlight: The sick burns and flower puns this article. Petal your wares somewhere else, 1-800-Flowers!
How to Journal for a More Organized, Happier, and Financially Fit 2019
If you are looking for more organization, more crafts, and more hand cramps, then bullet journals, and this article, are for you. Highlight: All the pictures of bullet journals. They’re all pretty comma great.
Why Cheap Dates Can Actually Bring You More Joy
Dates don’t need to be expensive to be romantic and fun. But they do need to be romantic. And fun. So if you’re out of ideas, I’ve got you. Highlight: Turning our living room into a fancy restaurant and tipping myself 1,000%.
Choose Your Own Adventure
The ever expanding Adventures in Flong. You'll probably die. A lot. But don't let your silly fictional mortality stop you.
The Blend Weekly Newsletter
I wrote a currently on hiatus, weekly newsletter for Payoff about money, science, and people. Also sometimes coffee.
Business Resolutions 2016
I wrote this article as part of a partnership between Payoff and TriNet. It's a New Years' resolutions guide for CEOs about creating a people-focused business in 2016. As you've probably noticed, it cured all corporate greed.
What to Do With a Pumpkin Besides Carving It
Pumpkins are a useful berry. Here's an article I wrote about the versatile noggin surrogate of choice for all decapitated jockeys.
The Happy Money Welcome Packet
This was my attempt to make a welcome packet an entertaining read. Reviews were mixed. A mix of amazing and almost too amazing.
A Guide for Paying Off High-Interest Debt
A straightforwardly titled, helpful resource full of strategies for paying off high-interest debt.
How Quitting Games for a Week Leveled Up My Relationship
I stopped playing video games for a week and talked about what that did for my relationship. Highlight: This article is technically a lie. Read it to find out why.
5 Podcasts That Will Make You Happier With Your Money
Do you hate silence and have money? Then fill your ears with these 5 financial podcasts. Highlight: The lack of silent, lonely commutes you will have to endear thanks to these podcasts.
Dust Off Your New Year’s Resolution by Giving It a Spring Reboot
I talked to two scientists, Susan Weinschenk and Marco Palma (both Ph.D.), about how we can restart the New Year’s resolution we inevitably give up on by April. Highlight: It legit works.
Why Waking Up Early Actually Makes Me Happier
I tried a bunch of ways to wake up (and go to bed) earlier. Highlight: My main takeaway from this was don’t have your alarm ever be a song you like. I never thought “Here Comes The Sun” would betray me like that.
Sit Next to a Happy Person & Eight Other Ways to be Happier at Work
Work is apply named. It’s work. But in this article, I found 9 ways science says you can turn that “work” into “krow,” a new word meaning “a happy, fun experience” that I’m trying to get going. UPDATE: Still not catching on, weirdly. Highlight: That not working for a bit makes you more productive.
What's That Mean, Anyway?
Conversations where I explain complicated financial terms to another person. (Full disclosure: that other person was also me.)
Financial Stress Impacts Your Life More Than You Might Expect
I wrote this for Credit Sesame about how continual financial stress is causing PTSD symptoms in people. It's called Acute Financial Stress, and it is no fun.
Direct Mail
Payoff created most of its direct mail campaigns in-house. I wrote some of them.
Stay in The Black Friday
I spearheaded Payoff's Black Friday campaign, Stay in The Black Friday. Wrote a blog post and the copy for a dedicated website. Spending on Black Friday has been declining ever since. (Unrelated? Maybe. Maybe not.)
23 Trick Retailers Use to Get You to Spend More
A G.I. Joe style, quick listicle filled with the strategies stores use to make you spend more money. Knowing is half the battle. Go, Joe!
The Financial Stress of Divorce
Interview about the financial stress associated with divorce. Both from a personal and a scientific perspective. It's exactly as fun as it sounds.
11 Ways to Use Charity Apps to Give Back for Free (or Cheap)
A roundup of interesting charity apps for iOS. Highlight: There’s an app where you can see for the blind. It’s amazing. Stop being so selfish with your sight and download it now.
7 Easy, Surprising Ways to Give Your Savings Account a Boost
The short list for “Most Interesting Way to Save Money” at every year’s Savey Awards, an award show I made up. Highlight: Sticking a “brick” in the tank of your toilet can save you about $22/year.
How Emotional Intelligence Can Benefit Your Work, Happiness, and Life
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is your feelings I.Q. Science says the higher yours is, the more successful you’ll be. There are many ways to improve your EQ, I tried 4 of them. Highlight: I now remember people’s names better… ummm… Daniel? NO… Karen… Wait, don’t tell me. I’ll get it. It’s on the tip of my brain.
I Stopped Using Plastic for a Week and It Made Me and The Earth Happier
Three vignettes through my plasticless week. Highlight: In one, I scoop poop with a sandal. In another, I spend two and a half hours at the grocery store. It was an eventful week.
The Incredible Power of Mindfulness, and How to Work It into Your Life
You don’t need some random guy on the internet to tell you that mindfulness has a lot of benefits. But, here we are. You, reading this caption. Me, just a random guy on the internet sharing a few ways for you to grab those benefits for yourself. What adventurous lives we lead. Highlight: That one of these is stretching.